How To Turn A Jar Into Ryan O’Neil From ‘Love Story.’

In addition to the huge population of women named ‘Jennifer’ that were born around 1972, ‘Love Story’ was also the beginning of the modern Hollywood genre ‘TearJerker’ that has made women cry and men openly weep for more than 30 years. Throwing away perfectly good containers such as glass jars, boxes, and bags also makes tears spring from the tear ducts, because this is the stupidest thing we can do as an eco-aware population. Such schmaltz has been seen over and over on television and the movies for years, but it is only now that we are becoming aware of the staggering amount of reusable containers and items we are casually tossing into our landfills on an hourly basis. What we need to do is start looking at things outside of the one use, outside of the casual relationship, outside of the instant gratification that comes with single use containers. What we need, Preppy, is a ‘Jennifer’ model of reuse. This way, we will never have to tell the planet we are sorry.

Use Your Head! That’s the Lump 3 Feet Above Your Ass!

Well, Tom Hanks has a point. Since we are at the very top of the food chain, with thinking and learning skills and opposable thumbs and all of that, it would appear we could find a use for almost everything we toss into a landfill. The biggest problem is that it would require thought, which is something we ration for important things like baseball statistics, and effort, which we save for, well, we don’t actually know but we will figure that part out later. The fact is we are pretty lassiez faire when it comes to reduce, reuse, and recycle, putting it on a list of priorities somewhere between bird-call mimicry and Scottish cuisine. However, of the ‘Big Green Three,’ reuse is the EASY one. Take something you buy, use the product, and then REUSE the container for something else! NASA would be proud, because this is sheer rocket science.
With the strength of our manufacturing base and technology, it is actually rare to find a true single use object outside of Mother Nature. Apples, oranges, pears, and bananas are all single use; however, the waste from the peels and cores can be incorporated into compost. What we need to begin to do as consumers on a personal, commercial, and industrial level is find use for items we ALREADY have, instead of just making the same widgets over and over again. When we were growing up, everyone had hand-me-downs of some sort or another, unless they were an only child of a wealthy family. Children’s toys, clothes, cribs, and utensils are all eminently reusable. Same goes with those cute little Gerber baby food jars, which can be used to store screws, rubber bands, thumbtacks, and just about anything small and hard to keep track of. Moonshiners have been using the same Mason jars forever, as does a good Southern grandmother. You can even reuse plastic Wal-Mat bags when you shop.
The sleight-of-hand trickery involved with reuse boggles most Americans. Depending on the website, somewhere between 12 and 30 percent of all landfill waste is reusable, with metropolitan areas having the higher concentration even with recycling options. It appears that the bootlegger and the rural grandma are the best treehuggers on the planet, but they do it because it is STUPID not to reuse. That and the 5 mile walk to the store in July uphill both ways means you buy what you need and use it till it’s gone. The problem isn’t one of practicality, nor is it one of efficiency. It is one of laziness.

So What Can I Do To Help?

Rise off thine couches, followers of the Eco-aware, and heed what I tell you. Reduce, reuse, and recycle all require HUMAN POWER, be it the power of thought or the power of work. Verily I beseech thee to right the wrongs that Sloth and Gluttony have cursed upon our fair world, with no thought of payment or reimbursement except for the knowledge and satisfaction of atonement. For starters, we can :

* If you are in college, reuse begins with your textbooks. Assuming that you actually bought them in the first place, or didn’t sell them for drink money, textbooks are one of the finest examples of reuse. If you have a professor that insists on you buying a new edition of his book every semester, explain to him that it will take 360,000 years for his book to appear on a best seller list and for him to give up that particular piece of vanity.
* Since you are in college, you do not have any actual ‘money.’ This means used furniture, used books, used CD’s and DVD’s, and used cars. Take these life lessons with you when you graduate. Used doesn’t mean useless.
* Glass jars, bottles, and containers are all reuse/recycle friendly. When your cabinet is full of jelly jar drinking glasses, it is ok to start recycling them. Also, some of them are attractive complements to existing stoneware china.
* A cardboard box should be used as long as it can be taped together. When you are moving, save your boxes by breaking them down and when you move again, just retape the boxes. They are easily stored, stackable, and you will be dismayed at how much random useless stuff you purchased since your last move.
*Instead of trading your old car in, donate it to an organization or someone in your family. The car dealership is only going to screw you anyhow.
* See if your local school or church or library needs any containers that you have lying around the house. You would be shocked at the sheer number of rubber bands that fit in a baby food jar. Try this at home too!
* Before you throw something away, think about a fun use for it. Leave out the uses that might be harmful, such as tying a plastic bag to a dog’s tail. Well, it’s not really harmful, but it is pretty cruel, so skip that one. If you have done this already, shame on you.
* If you are at the beach, spend a few minutes walking where the water meets the land. Places such as these often have special powers to increase your health and thought processes. Also, while you walk, pick up the trash others left behind. If Mother Nature had meant for endangered species to exist on plastic, it would have evolved/been created already.
* Reuse organics whenever possible. Pine straw makes a wonderful flower bed protector, and compost piles make nutrient rich soil for growing roses.
* If your boyfriend or husband screws up real bad and brings you home roses in a vase, save the vase for the next time he screws up. Put it in his glove box when the flowers are dry as a gentle reminder.

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